At any rate, I have returned to blog land, or rather blog spot, and believe me...there are reasons I haven't touched the blog! I've been learning like a crazy person and so, it's time I got you up to date.
#1 I moved. Just about 10 blocks from where I was living, but it was quite the ordeal. Just for future reference and based upon personal experience...you should NEVER underestimate the task of moving. I can honestly say that moving my life from Boardman, Ohio to Seattle, Washington last summer was MUCH easier than moving from the bottom of Capitol Hill to the top. But really.
Last year everything just showed up in a giant truck and we hauled it up our elevator. Also, I didn't have a job yet and so I just spent 3 solid days unpacking and putting it together.
Compare that to...
Your move in and move out day being the SAME day. This means in renters world that you must have ALL of your things out of your current apartment in one day because you are unable to move into the new place until that day. Throw in a Transit event from 1:30-5:00ish where we threw paint on each other...literally, and the fact that most of the day it was only Lissy and I and her small compact car...and then well, you'll start to get the idea. Our dear friends Paul and Farrah generously donated their time and truck to help for a while. But for the most part it was Lissy and I and her little blue car deemed Grady going back and forth back and forth loading and unloading. Then we cleaned and called it quits at 6:00AM the NEXT MORNING!
At around 5AM Lissy and I had finally showered and begun to rid ourselves of the paint (my hair is still green I might add) and we laid down in our empty apartment to "rest." I remember a conversation in which I realized that I knew nothing about the book of Titus and how much I wanted a donut...it was exhausting to say the least.
BUT we are in. God is good! He more than provided. We got everything that we needed and that our little hearts desired in this place and I can't wait to see how he will use it for His glory. Of course it's still a little out of sorts (which I cannot handle well) but it's coming together a little bit at a time.
#2 I am only human. I am no better or stronger than any other human and I am not above ANYTHING. I am not above getting tired or burnt out in ministry, I am not above sin of any sort. I am ONLY human.
Obviously you think ha ha. But for me this is something that I constantly have to be reminded of. I am a perfectionist. I always have been. I think I can handle anything and I hate it when I have to admit to myself or other people that I actually can't...which obviously happens A LOT because well, I am human.
So, after a year in Seattle going full force with this church plant/nanny thing I am tired. My passion is fading and I have even battled with a little bit of depression here and there. So, right now it's about taking one day at a time, finding people out here to pour into my life so that I can be refreshed and refilled as I pour out, and consciously making choices each day that lead me straight out of this slump. Of course God is still good and I still know that this is where he needs me and life is still beautiful, I'm just becoming a grown up and the truth is I have to come to terms with that. Seems like no fun, but I've just got to make it fun. I'm so thankful to be surrounded with people who love me and support me even though I'm human. SO thankful.
#3 I've been having a slight identity crisis lately. Just feel like I'm not quite sure who I am or what really makes me me...for a while I hated this and it concerned me and I just kept thinking, "when will I be myself again!? I have to find myself!"
Actually. I should be ever so glad that I am finally losing myself! Finally it's becoming less about me! Why should I care if people look at me and think, "wow that's SO Rachel"? I'd rather they look at me and say, "wow she looks SO much like Jesus."
I've always loved this lyric in the song "From the Inside Out"
"The art of losing myself in bringing your praise."
That is so true! Losing myself is an art. Becoming less and less concerned with who I am and more and more concerned with who Jesus is and what it looks like for Him to consume me. So my focus now is "finding" Jesus and being okay with losing myself. Easier said than done. I mean where do you even begin in that process!? Here's what I've got in my list of practical steps thus far to taking on the identity of Jesus.
#1 Get close to Jesus
A. Commit to spending a minimum of 10 minutes a day on my balcony purely listening to Jesus.
After all, it's going to be really difficult to become like someone I'm not close enough to even see or hear!
Well, that seems to be enough updating for now...also Starbux in about to close...so until next time!