Saturday, May 19, 2012

r e t r o s p e c t

i am not usually one to share my journal entries…however, i thought this one could potentially be very encouraging and therefore i decided to break my own rule….just because i can do that.
“wow Lord. how refreshing to be reminded of who you are and your constant character. Lord that lesson is so dear to my heart. something that hurt very very much to learn but something you were so careful and patient and gentle to teach me. to hold my hand and hold me close and dry my tears as you gently and slowly revealed to me who you had been in my life and who you were and who you were always going to be.
i’ll never forget those days and months and tears and fears and hurts. the hours i spent crying out to you so hurt and confused and angry.
but Lord that moment when i sat curled in between chapel seats on the floor of the balcony sobbing uncontrollably my heart shattered and scattered in every direction-thats the moment you led me to Lamentations 3 and changed my perspective forever!
it’s not about what situation i face. it’s not about happiness and it’s not even about what you have done for me or what i think you should do for me.
it’s only about who you are.
even if i dont understand. if i’m hurt and confused. if nothing makes any sense and if everything fails. Lord you are still God.
Your character never changes
It’s not about good things you do-it’s simply that YOU are good
and Jesus here i am on the other side again. in the light again. spring is coming again. i held on. i held onto who you are. i was honest. i was real. i asked every question and voiced every anger and frustration. and you held my hand.
and here i am
alive and well
and i would do it all over again
simply to learn and to grasp the one truth that you are always God and you are always good.
you always deserve all of me
i am not sure i ever imagined thanking you for everything we walked through these last few months.
but i am. i am saying from the bottom of my heart i would do it all over again if this is where i would be and to know you the way that i do now
‘whatever my lot thou hast taught me to say it is well with my soul.”
may that be the cry of my heart today and everyday from here on out. “

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