lately, i feel like i haven’t had much to say.
i don’t even write much anymore…and if you know me at all, both of these are very unlike me.
my mouth never seems to stop moving and my hands are rarely ever still.
but somehow lately. both are true.
i don’t even really feel like i have anything to say to jesus. not because i am angry or bitter…just because i am not sure where to start right now.
and at first i felt awful for it…
but then i remembered what a dear friend of mine said once…
we were driving in the car to go shopping and for a while we were just listening to music. after a while of just driving and listening to the music, she said…
“rachel, we really are good friends. i always know i am good friends with someone if i can sit with them and just be quiet and it’s not awkward.”
it was a silly little statement/obesrvation, but i realized how much truth was at the heart of it. it really is a unique place in relationship with a person when you can be quiet and still just as happy being with them. the air doesn’t need to be filled with words or your time together full of activities…for just a little while, presence is enough.
and you know another cool thing about that drive is that just because the talking stopped, the driving did not. we were still moving even when it was quiet…W O W we still had a place to get, we both knew where it was, and the silence had absolutely no interference with us ending up there.
so back to my recent bout of silence…
after feeling terrible for a while and not quite being able to get out of my funk, i realized that what she had said could most certainly be applied in my walk with jesus. he is my best friend. sadly, so much of the time i can’t keep my mouth quiet enough or my ears open enough to actually give him a chance to speak. sometimes i talk and talk and talk or write and write and write and then just walk away from a one sided conversation.
so it dawned on me…maybe right now jesus and i are in that car with the music playing. i really just don’t have anything to say, we are just enjoying each other’s presence. maybe i don’t need to have anything at all to say…because he already knows, but also because it’s his turn to speak if he so desires. i am not even sure where to start but he in his wisdom brought us here to begin with.
it makes me smile inside to think that perhaps jesus and i have reached that unique and rare place in friendship where we can just be with each other and that is enough…on BOTH sides.
it’s funny how you learn lots of things and grow even when you feel like you are just stuck. he hides the lessons all over the place and we just have to take the time to find and learn them in every creative way he places in front of us.
silence with jesus doesn’t mean that motion has stopped. i know that jesus has called me and that he is leading me places and just because i cannot hear him clearly right now and i just don’t feel like i have much to say anyways, we are still going to get there because the driving hasn’t stopped… even in the quiet.
so maybe today just try being still, and being quiet even…. just try to enjoy presence, the silence, and the drive :)