July 9, 2008
i can't help it.
i am just soooo happy and sooo thankful and i just don't know what to do with all of the thankfulness and happieness in my heart!!!!
so i figure i'll put some of it on facebook.
some song lyrics say it the best...
"she feels lost in her own life
treading water just to keep from slipping under
and she wonders if she's where she's supposed to be
tired of trying to do it right
her dreams are just too far away to see how steps she's taking
might be taking her to who she'll be
she feels locked in her own life
scared of what she might lose
if she moves away from who she was
and she's afraid of being free
there's a way she knows is right
but she can't feel the things she knows
and so each step she's taking
is a step of faith towrads who she'll be
and suddenly it isn't what it used to be
after all this time it works out just fine
AND SUDDENLY I AM WHERE I'M SUPPOSED TO BE
AFTER ALL THE TEARS I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HERE"
"let it all out
rip it out remove it
don't be alarmed when the wound begins to bleed
cuz we're so scared to find out what this life's all about
so scared we're gonna lose it
not knowing all along
that's exactly what we need
and today i'll trust you with the confidence of man who's never known defeat
but tomorrow upon hearing what i did
i will stare at you in disbelief
oh inconsistent me
crying out for consistency
you said i know that this will hurt
but if i don't break your heart
things will just get worse
if the burden seems too much to bear remeber
THE END WILL JUSTIFY THE PAIN IT TOOK TO GET US THERE
and i'll let it be known
at times i have shown
signs of all my weakness
but somewhere in me there is strength
and you promise me
that you belive
in time i will defeat this
cuz somewhere in me there is strength
and today i'll trust you with the confidence of a man who's never know defeat
try my best
to just forget
that that man isn't me"
"let it all out"
i suppose you could say those songs were my anthems this past year. it was a super confusing time in my life...mostly because i had to rediscover myself and spend a lot of time alone with me.
but i knew it back then and i certainly know it now...that it would allllll be worth it. every pain struggle and tear. they made me stronger. they made me who i am today. and they are what drove me to search high and low for the one thing that would make me truly happy.
sooo the thankfulness and happiness is not simply because i am so overwhelmingly blessed at this very point in my life...they are thankfulness too everyone and everything that may have been at the roots of those pain hurts and tears...because whether they meant to or not, they got me here. but i am believing in my heart that they were meant for that purpose...:)
i don't really know what to say or how to say it. i am just soo excited to finally be on the other side. to finally have pushed and pushed through whatever it was...and now i am here. where i kept focusing on...the goal...whatever it was i didn't know at the time...i just knew i had to get somewhere and i had to push through whatever might have tried to bring me down to get to whatever that something was....and now i know.
and i loooooove what i am going to do and what i am called to and who i am and if nothing ever changed. if i spent the rest of my life alone knowing that i was in the will of God i would be soo content. and i trust him with my whole heart...and these are all things i was wishing that i could say one year ago...but now i am here to tell you that i survived and i did trust no matter how difficult it was some days....and he has blessed me beyond what i could imagine or what i deserve...and well i just don't really know what else to say except i don't think i can ever stop smiling or trying to find the perfect way to say thank you!!!!!