Saturday, May 19, 2012

LeArNiNg To DaNcE iN tHe RaIn

June 26, 2010 


I have been quoting this really fabulous saying a lot lately…

“Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

I am guessing it has a lot to do with the fact that for some strange reason Illinois has been plagued by atrocious storms every single day for about well as far back as I can remember….but then it could also have something to do with this really strange transitional season I happen to find myself in this summer…but either way the phrase or quote if you might has just been flowing in and out of my brain a lot lately.

But be it literally or metaphorically I just seem to always be caught in a storm or at best under a rain cloud these days. And don’t get me wrong…I adore rain…really I do.

But on the same note I adore sunshine.

You could see how that might make things a little complicated.

Welcome to my life…


Last night I got off work and once again sat in the church parking lot trying to decide what to do. I am actually starting to like this…Friday evenings that are totally up to me! No meetings or parties or events that I need to find a way to squeeze in….just an evening to myself to do whatever I want to do! And by do…I mean absolutely nothing productive if I so choose…and I don’t have to feel guilty about it later!

It’s liberating really.

But now back to the point. I am a wanderer…always have been…

So I settled on a trip to Wal-mart. Don’t judge me… I tend to shop when I am bored. I justify it by spending money on other people…I am not sure that balances it out, but at any rate that is what I did. And of course they have two red box machines. It is a huge plus.

Randomly decided it was about time to send along some more snail mail. Had plenty of fun because there are some precious little people in my life that just need to remember Auntie Rachel or whoever the heck I am to them and so I picked out some fun surprises!

They finally had pita and roasted red pepper hummus. Now that is a good day considering I have not been able to find that ALL summer! So of course I settled on dinner really quickly. Rented 3 red box movies. That is a new record even for me! I left the store with nothing else for myself! Not even off the clearance racks!

Ok I confess, I did buy myself some hot pink play-doh. But I have been deprived all summer! There is only so much that you can pack when your limit is 50 pounds of your belongings to survive an entire summer! And it was under a dollar. I am just saying.


I come home and put in the first movie. Valentine’s Day. I was a big fan. Really. No really I was.

Ate some pita and hummus and of course an apple with peanut butter. And can I just mention here that my peanut butter is way creamier than usual! I am loving it…probably a little too much. But that of course is beside the point.

I am pretty sure I say more things beside the point that I do about the point. At least I am aware.

Movie number two…

Georgia O’Keefe.

Ok so I am a nerd. But I love that lady! Well more like I love her work! In eighth grade we had to choose an artist to model a project after. Of course I chose Georgia and her big beautiful flowers! I painted a crate with giant flowers on the side. I still won’t let my mom throw it out.

I painted some shoes while I watched it.

Whoops. I may have forgotten to mention the shoes. They were on sale and they were more of an art project that a new pair of shoes! It is no different than buying a canvas and well canvas is a necessary item in my life. It’s a basic staple…like hummus! Ok like chocolate for you hummus haters!


Of course Georgia inspired me to make a super fun pair of shoes. Gosh I have been wanting to paint a pair of shoes for years! Of course I made them different colors…of course people will think I am wearing two different pairs of shoes…of course I love that little brilliant scheme. If they will simply look a little closer they will be able to see the theme. There is always a theme. And of course I made a photo album. Would I let you down?

You know I realize I always write these in short choppy little chunks. These notes I mean. I think it’s because I know how add I tend to be and well big blocks sometimes just turn me off.


By this time it was dark and late and well I needed to be up early this morning….but by golly of course I was going to watch that third movie. So I did the usual. Turned out all of the lights and locked myself in my room. I don’t know why I do that. It doesn’t really make me feel any safer. At all. I just convince myself it does.

Anyways I did it.

Thought I would fall asleep to the movie Everybody’s Fine.

Yeah Right!

Ok woa. I had to stop for a second there because it looked like I was actually making this note grammatically correct…no worries. It’s Microsoft word that I am typing in…so it’s not me! Wow I almost thought for a second that I had completely abandoned my personal note writing style.

But I did not fall asleep. Partly since that movie is just so sad! It made me want to run home and hug my dad. Literally run.
But also…well I don’t know why. I just could not sleep.

I even tried my firework trick.
Do you know that one?
Well it’s the one where I lay there with my eyes shut really really tight until you see all those lights and such and then I say colors in my mind like they are fireworks to stop myself from thinking until I fall asleep.

It worked for a while…but then of course at 3ish I started to hear thunder and see lightening.

I used to love falling asleep to storms…or laying in bed while they were happening anyways. But for some reason I have begun to dread them for fear that I will have to retreat to the basement alone. I have yet to brave the basement here…

But there I was laying in bed with my head under the covers…listening to Jimmy trying to make myself fall back asleep and resist calling my mother…

And it hit me.

“Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

I am such a hypocrite! Quite literally in that moment. Here I have been quoting that line over and over for the past few days but I was laying in my bed hiding from a storm just waiting and praying for it to pass.

So that is when I decided to learn to dance in the rain.

I threw off the covers. Got out of bed. Flung open the door (that way I would hit anyone waiting to get me outside of it) and turned on all the lights. Did I mention that it was 4:04 AM…well now I have. I lit some candles, put on The Holiday, brewed a pot of coffee, and started painting the picture that had come to me while I was laying there with my eyes shut so tightly. I even tried a new technique! I painted with a nail file. Don’t ask, I just have to be thrifty…mostly for fun.

I was a little nervous at first it still being dark and all, but you know what. Eventually I was sobbing on the couch flipping through my book of 1000 places to see before you die as Arthur Abbot walked up to address his overwhelmingly large audience. That part gets me every time!

So here it is, 7:03 AM and I have already made a painting, did the dishes, finished two cups of coffee with cinnamon vanilla creamer and conquered the African section of my book. I have been too intimidated to do that because well I just thought I would have too hard of a time deciding which places I just had to see. I figured I would mark them all! But somehow I didn’t. I just faced it.

I faced a lot of things in the last 4 hours.

So now I am going to leave you.

I have a little Pilates and some Jesus time to fit in before I start my day.

Oh and don’t worry I will be wearing those freshly painted shoes today…

By golly, I think I have learned to dance in the rain!

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