The ones when you open your eyes, and all of a sudden you're mesmerized with the thought of how you possibly could have ended up here.
How in the world did I end up on a couch in a neighborhood in the middle of Mexico singing worship songs in Spanish and calling these people my friends? Kissing a million cheeks when I come and go?
Playing cars with a tiny human on the sidelines of a soccer field on a Tuesday morning?
Walking and laughing down a cobblestone street in a little Mexican pueblo with a group of orphanage kids mingled in with some Lincoln School 9th graders whom I am in charge of for the day, and stopping to check the price of chickens and bunnies on the side of the road?
Across the table from a friend of a friend who now leads an A21 Team in Guadalajara for the entire nation of Mexico discussing with her the possibility of giving my life for the cause of human trafficking?
How in the world did I end up here?
And my mind wanders.
Retracing my path. My journey.
Every twist and turn.
Every hill and mountain and valley and desert and dirt road and highway and airport runway.
The seemingly endless string of events, the long chain of dominos toppling into each other that led to this moment.
The souls and the stories and the hearts that intersected mine.
All of the tiny, intricate details.
The precise timing.
All necessary for me to end up here.
Sitting on this couch.
Walking down this street.
Picking up the little red car again and again and again.
Talking across this table.
Life is funny that way.
Such an adventure.
I suppose sometimes I dislike the crazy uncertainty of it all.
Maybe some little tiny part of me still longs to be that career girl.
The one who used my brains and my smarts and became an editor in a big tall building in the city. With a darling little place in the heart of Seattle that I could easily afford along with a little Kate Spade sprinkled in.
I would be lying if I said I never ever thought that.
At the end of every day, when I lay my head on my pillow and Lincoln curls up tight in the crook of my legs in whatever country we may find ourselves in at any particular moment...
In those moments.
The deep, unexplainable peace and joy that carry me to sleep.
The knowing that I've said yes to Him.
That I've done my best to hear. To follow. To obey.
That He's there with me.
No Kate Spade bag or darling apartment could ever touch that.
And so that's why I keep choosing this life.
That's how I keep ending up on couches in random cities in foreign lands speaking foreign languages and calling natives my friends.
And oh how I can say so very truly, I wouldn't have it any other way.
With all of my heart and my whole self I know that I wouldn't have wanted to end up anywhere but here.