Sunday, May 8, 2016

Yo. Soy. Rubia.

{I. Am. Blonde.}

"What do you call a bunch of blondes in a freezer....?"
"Frosted Flakes."

That, my friends, is my all time favorite blonde joke.
Believe me when I say, I have heard them ALL.
I am as blonde as blonde can be and it seems that no one ever likes to let me forget it.
And honestly, I have never minded. The jokes at the expense of my hair color are actually quite amusing and I can appreciate them as much as the next person.

When my parents saw me for the first time, so it goes, they asked if they were sure I was their baby. I had snow white hair and that just didn't seem right to them.
For years they (being pretty much everyone, including hair "experts") told me it would change eventually. Nobody's hair stays that blonde forever.

Oh. They were so very very wrong.
If anything, my hair has gotten blonder and brighter.
Especially now that I live in a perpetual state of sunshine here in Guadalajara, Mexico.

To say that I stand out here is an understatement. Between my glowing blonde hair, my 5'7" frame and my piercingly, large blue eyes, I am a sight to behold it would seem. Of course no one is rude about it or anything, it's just not something you see everyday around these parts.

I have never considered myself to be a stereotypical blonde or a complete ditz, but I will admit to having my share of blonde moments.

Lately, here has been a little bit rough.
Lately it seems that as my blonde hair brightens in the sun the blonde is sinking deeper into my brain.
I have found that when life is most challenging, it is essential to find reasons to laugh.
Here are a few blonde/rubia moments as of late that I have got to just laugh at (even though they annoyed the mess out of me in the moment....)

#1 Yesterday I decided to paint my nails. It was a long weekend and I was going out with friends. Why not!? A couple weeks back I picked up a couple of new colors at the store. Of course I am not familiar with the brands here and so I just selected from what seemed to be the generic section of polish. I chose a lovely blue called "cielo" and then a fun shade of gray.
I rocked out "cielo" last week and decided to take on the gray yesterday.
I painted my nails and went about getting ready for a fun evening out with friends. For the next few hours, I couldn't escape the smell of garlic. Which was strange to me since I was certain I hadn't eaten or touched garlic recently.
When Beka arrived and we were ready to head out, I happened to mention it to her. "Isn't it you think my nails smell like garlic...?" "Yep." She said sticking her nose to my nails. "They sure do smell like garlic."
I then picked up the bottle. Sure enough. "esmatte con ajo" (infused with garlic) was written across the bottle.
I mean. Since when should I be checking nail polish labels to see if they are infused with garlic!?
So of course I panicked. I could not go out with friends reeking of garlic...intentionally.
But. Of course. I was out of nail polish remover. The neighbor wasn't home.
Fortunately, my land lady owns a salon.
Unfortunately, it was a Saturday afternoon and the salon was full of people. So. I had a pretty embarrassing five minutes trying to explain what happened and asking if I could borrow/pay for a little bit of polish remover. They smirked and tried not to laugh to hard at my Spanish and my situation and graciously donated some nail polish remover to my cause.

Moral of that story. When living in Mexico, check all nail polish to make sure it is not infused with garlic.
Sad too because the colors were really great.

#2 Today I made a trip to the grocery store near my house to get some things for this week and for a dinner I am hosting. I decided while I was there I should also pick up some detergent to finish off my laundry.
To be honest, I have been confused since I moved here as to which is detergent and which is softener. I thought that the word on the bottle seemed to imply it was softener, but also it was in a very "detergent-y" looking bottle. Today I decided to ask the nice lady selling me granola.
Turns out.
Wait for it...
I have been washing my clothes with fabric softener for the last nine months. NINE MONTHS.
Nine months of life that my clothes can never have back.
Here's to hoping we can make up for it in the next year or so.

(The one on the left is the softener but it also comes in a large bottle similar to the one on the right making me think it was a matching set of softener and detergent. WRONG. Not to worry. Now I have real detergent and my clothes should be clean. For the first time in nine months. )

#3 I am so very guerra. Meaning. I am so white!
My poor body is not made for this place called Mexico and it's relentless scorching sun and heat.
For three days now, I have been itchy and covered in a rash.
Initial moment of panic: bed bugs.
And believe me when I say. I would know.
Turns out. You can have an allergic reaction to sun and heat.
Turns out. I did/do
This has never happened before of course.
But now that I live in a perpetually hot and sunny place, my skin has decided it likes neither of those things...and the best advice everyone can give me is this: stay out of the sun and the heat.
Do they know that we live in Mexico and it is May!?
Now begins the annoying process of experimenting with creams and medicines so as not to look like a leper for the remainder of my time here.

There is really nothing else to say for myself.
Yo. Soy. Rubia.

No comments:

Post a Comment