This Year

 So there are quite a few things that I'm doing my very best to leave in 2025. 

There were certainly beautiful things in 2025, but there was also the most hard I've lived so far. The hardest mental and emotional season I've walked through, and the scariest questions I've ever asked of God. I spent a lot of the year bitter, angry, and living through an endless maze of "why" questions with what felt like no way out. 

And to be honest, that head and heart space is exhausting. And I just needed it to change. 

But needing it to change or even wanting it to change are very different from changing it. 

Because changing it might be just as hard as living it. 

But I was sure it was time. 

The question I was left with, was how. I needed a plan. 

Here's the plan. I'll let you know how it goes :) 

#1 Choose a word. 

I'm not usually a "word of the year" person, but I've known for a long time time that 2026 had a word and that word was going to be--had to be--content. 

Less rushing ahead or striving towards the next season, and more savoring this one and staying present in it for exactly what it is. That has been a daily struggle and I know it will continue to be, so I wanted to keep this word in front of me. I got in touch with my crafty side and made a little banner for my bathroom mirror. I didn't only want to see the word, I wanted to see it when I looked at myself until I believed that I was. 

#2 Vision Board

Again. Not usually my thing--never made one in my life. But this year it felt essential. I needed a visual to keep pulling me back in when I start to spiral. Of course I made a night of it with my best girls and I found a place where I would see it all the time. Whenever I'm getting ready in the morning or ready to sleep at night, I ponder these things and try to reset. 

#3 Grounded in gratitude

I knew this year that I had to stop believing my hands are empty and instead focus on all of the good things they're already holding. And I have to be very intentional about this. So I gathered some resources. A book I've wanted to read for a very long time, 1000 Gifts by Anne Vonskamp and the companion journal/devo Gifts and Gratitudes to go with it. I can't tell you how much this has changed my heart and my perspective in just a few short weeks. Could not recommend more if you're in a season when gratitude feels difficult. 

#4 Be Still 

This is forever a challenge for me. Staying still and quiet to actually hear from God is my worst spiritual discipline without a doubt. But I knew that this year I needed to conquer it. Because I'm desperate to hear Him. So again, I gathered some tools to help set myself up for success. I found these beeswax meditation candles that burn for exactly 20 minutes. They have helped me to stay in one place and feel a bit more intentional than a timer on my phone. (purchased on Amazon) 

#5 Connection and Community 

I've been beyond blessed with amazing friends and church community. Over and over again actually in so many places and seasons.I know that I could not walk through this without them and that this year I needed to lean in even more. Some of my dearest friends came together, got a beautiful devotional, and we've been reading and sharing via Marco Polo. So let this be your reminder that friendship and community does not have to slow with distance or hard seasons. We're all in very different places geologically and in life, and still we are finding simple and meaningful ways to connect and grow together. This is the book that we're working through: The Way of the Wild Flower by Ruth Chou Simons 

#6 Staying Present 

This one is hard--especially when you're in a season of waiting and you'd like to just get it over with already. But I'm doing my best to feel those feels and also open my eyes to everything wonderful in front of me in this moment. It's a moment by moment process, but I'm not giving up this year. Because while beautiful things lie ahead, I know that someday I'll long for this exact beautiful place as hard as that is to imagine. Recently visiting MN in the dead of winter was a very real reminder of this. The cold was bitter, but the time was beautiful. The winter wind stung my cheeks, but it also made me feel alive and so grateful for the stories that had led me there and who I got to share it with :) 

#7 He is always good and always kind

This hasn't always or even often felt true for me as of late. But in the deepest parts of me, I know it is and so I keep fighting to believe it and live like it. I recently discovered an artist that depicts Christ's heart in such a tangible way. It helps me to see Him how He really is rather than how it's feeling in any given moment. I have 3 of them hung on the wall right next to my bed so that I see Him this way as soon as I wake up and especially when I'm trying to fall asleep amidst all of the worry and the lies that try to creep in. You can check out her artwork here: Paige Payne Creations

#8 Keep looking for the light and letting it in

The other day I was at an appointment that I really rather would not have been at. I was holding back tears of disbelief and hurt that I was back there again. And then I looked up through the waiting room window of the 7th floor and saw so much light pouring in. The Olympics outlined perfectly against the crsp blue sky and a layer of clouds and pine trees hovering somewhere between it all. And it reminded me of the simple but sensational concept that the sun continues to rise. Even when life feels so heavy and dark, light still pours in. And I can open myself up to that light and let it into all of the cracked places, I just have to decide to. And oh am I cracked, shattered in a lot of ways, but in 2026 I'm hoping that allows all the more light to come break in, even if it means a bit more cracking so that more can get in.